Posted in Aged Care, Dementia

Dementia Diagnosis for Aunty Win

A Letter to my Fam

Winnie – younger days
(always had great hair!)

I received this email from my cousin Rochelle recently.

Thought I’d share it here (because I can), and also to emphasise how shitty and random Dementia is. Not to mention the despair and frustration for families who are left heart-broken as they watch on hopelessly; it is totally NOT FAIR.

Aunt Winnie taught me that girls don’t have to aspire to be receptionists or “office note-takers” or run around after others… “unless you want to, then that’s fine, too.”

Instead, if you’ve got the gumption (her favourite word) – you can make a great career doing something you love, settle down and hopefully find a nice boy “wearing not-too-tight slacks” to make a good enough life together.

It has eventuated that I have done both.

Aunt ‘Winnie-the-Poo‘ – – –  YOU ROCK!

(We miss you so much).

Happy family, beachy days
(and the discovery of ginger beer!!)

To my dear family,

I’ve been back from overseas for almost 2 weeks and there have been a few changes with Mum (our Winnie), so thought I’d send a group email update so you all know where that’s at.

Unfortunately, and as predicted by most of us, her mental health has declined significantly.  

I took her to her GP and she completed a MoCA test (half hour competency testing), where the results were not flash:  ie: 10 out of 30 is bad.

Poor mum scored 2…(TWO!)  Is that even a number???

Thank the Lord she defiantly remembered where she was from, although truthfully, I think she must have fluked the second point by just sheer good luck!

We also discussed her anxiety levels and turns out, they’ve put Mum on a little ‘upper’ to assist with her mood.  Arthur is great with mum and loves her to bits which I could cry with relief about cos he’s such a caring wonderful man.  

Obviously, as a retired school teacher, he revels in the role of directing and correcting!  (Plus, the Citalopram will be doing it’s job – keeping Mum calm and ticking along, happy to stay back after class with another special Arthur ‘detention’ !!!)

In the meantime, the Geriatricians will without doubt, assess Mum for ‘Care-Home’ level care, and I assume officially diagnose her with Dementia. This should happen soon.  Hopefully, while I am still in the country – although I may be called up any day now so not sure what we do then… 

Thankfully, in this zippity-do-dah-modern-day (haha another one of her ‘funnies’) most stuff can be sorted online and organised via email etc.  And legally, I don’t need to go to the lawyers- which is just perfect.

The best thing is that the staff at the Respite home where Mum is now are all on the same page as I am.  And they have been concerned with her deterioration for a while – the head nurses have an amazing rapport with her, plus they’ve kept me fully up to speed on things. 

I am just SO impressed with the set-up there!

Win gets to stay in her current apartment WITH Arthur – and the Care Team actually comes to her! This includes 3 showers a week, getting dressed daily and undressed, breakfast, lunch and dinner, dispensing medications, clothes washing, housekeeping etc.

At the moment, Mum is just having shower and dressing assistance (extra $100 a week).  Once the new level of care comes through, we will apply for a subsidy as their combined total assets is less than $119k.

This new level of care will be paid from Dad’s deceased estate account (ie: $23k – and then the good old government takes over…PHEW).

I did have Mum come stay with me by herself last week (and my girls too, much to their horror), for a night recently. She spent the WHOLE TIME thinking Arthur would be coming to pick her up at any second – watching out the window, pacing up and down etc. 

I could tell she really would have preferred to go back ‘home’ to Arthur; we had to phone him a few times during the night when the panic set in. 

You should have seen it the next day, though, when they re-united.  I just about died… they had the biggest SNOG I’ve seen in ages….in front of all the staff…everyone…THEY DIDN’T CARE!!!

(I think I was actually JEALOUS!)

Arthur & Winnie’s ‘golf’ wedding cake
FOURRRRR!

Mum’s just fine where she is and like I said, Arthur loves her to bits. So as weird as all this is, Winnie’s definitely safe and cared for. She actually does realise her memory is bad (kind of), but quickly seems to forget she had that flash of realisation and so we just move on.

She happily accepts shower assistance, and for her own dignity and personal presentation, I’m terribly thankful for that.  Physically, Win looks and IS well.

Don’t know what else to say but I really hope this email doesn’t cause any concern for you guys.  I really feel she is in the right place and I think we should all feel blessed that she married Arthur last year – as crazy as that seemed at the time…. WHO IS THIS MAN WITH THE GIANT MOUSTACH WHO IS IN LOVE WITH MY MOTHER? 

Because it certainly takes the load off me – not that I’m complaining…

It’s just hard, you know?

Anyway, I hope all is well with you guys – sorry if I’ve rambled on but I wanted to put you in the picture seeing as you are her family,,, the people who love her the most. 

God, does she even remember?  

You know what…I really don’t know any more.  Today for example, she called me Geraldine.  As in Aunty Gerry, her twin, who died when they were in their 20’s.  And I can tell when she looks at me that she’s not ‘Mum’ anymore.  I hate that the most about this awful disease.

Anyway, I’m waiting for confirmation of my next placement abroad – not sure when or where that might be but I’m loving my Oncology nursing and the fabulous people involved in the industry so that makes it all worthwhile (as well as being the best distraction from the Win & Arthur show!)

Will keep you all updated as the rest of the saga of our gorgeous mum/sister/aunty’s life unfolds. 

Love you guys,

Rochelle

PS: please, don’t worry about mum.  She is fine, really.

PPS: we must all get together in the SAME room one day.  Life’s too short. – I could end up losing my mind, just like Mum.  ARRRGGGHHHH!

Winnie (and Gerry)
liddle widdle! 

HAPPY CARING!

Cheers, Dollie
Posted in Scamming the Elderly

A Letter to a Scammer

Scams Against the Elderly are Going Unchecked in Our Suburbs

  • Too hard to prove!
  • Too sleazy to catch!
  • Leaving victims too embarrassed & too ashamed to report it!
We are NOT amused.

Dear ‘Tom’ the Tree Man (or whoever you are this week)

Firstly, thank you for kindly offering your Tree-felling services at the home of an elderly client of mine, Mrs Maria Popalotova, approximately six months ago.

Lovely Maria is a proud but humble, 89-year old Bulgarian-born lady who, although substantially vision-impaired, still lives alone in her large family home, stews her own fruit (from her very own garden) and as the neighbours can testify – sings soprano in FULL voice whilst doing the housework chores. Although suffering a smidge of arthritis and prone to the odd fall (understandable when you’re officially legally blind), she is still mostly independent and in damn good nick for an old girl.

Somehow, Tom, I suspect you may already have known some of this at the time?

In fact, Maria remarked to me not long after meeting you, that it was uncanny when you turned up on her doorstep one day, out of the blue, like you did. Straight after that huge storm we had; the one where horrific winds caused such massive destruction in her area.

Oh, what a godsend you were, Tom!

How else could Maria ever have realised the danger she was in with that large eucalyptus tree in her backyard leaning so perilously close to her bedroom window? 

And, as you so earnestly advised her, it would only take one more big wind like the week before – and it could literally DESTROY HER ENTIRE HOUSE, didn’t you say, Tom?  Crikey, Tom… you told Maria that THIS would happen:

REALLY, THIS?

And, therefore, it was imperative for Maria’s own safety, as you told her at the time, that the tree be removed IMMEDIATELY.

Oh, and what luck it was, Tom… that Maria had all that cash hidden away on the ledge above the kitchen stove, in her little secret teapot, the pretty white one with the pansies on it. Coincidentally, the precise amount you required to start the job, Tom – exactly $2000. What luck!

And a BARGAIN, you said, considering how the now terrified Maria’s life could literally be at stake if the teetering tree wasn’t removed by Friday. Why, it was pittance, really.

As you said, Tom, it would be foolish (and very “un-Australian”) NOT to pay you! And so she paid you willingly, Tom, because you were just so caring and concerned for her wellbeing.

Which is why Maria understood completely when you ever-so-politely insisted, that you have the cash up front to buy materials NOW.

IT WAS BECAUSE YOU CARED, TOM!

To be honest, finding people that actually do ‘care’ as much as you do, Tom, is pretty thin on the ground these days. Especially after hearing all these dreadful stories about elderly people being scammed by all sorts of dodgy tradesmen and fake utility servicemen. 

Innocent elders who are conned out of money that they’ve saved up during their working lives; nest-eggs for retirement enabling them to enjoy their golden years; or just money set aside for increased medical costs due to the inevitable health issues associated with ageing.

And then there’s the appalling fraudsters, the lowest of the low, who just randomly turn up at people’s doors, unscrupulously offering so-called urgent maintenance of phone, gas or power lines.

Because nobody DARES mess with a potentially broken one of these. 

As a scare tactic – IT’S PERFECT!  

Then there’s the scoundrels posing as contractors who scope out neighbourhoods, watching for lonely and vulnerable older adults who, desperate for company, are more than happy to believe the “nice man” at their front door. 

And that these ‘necessary’ property repairs, such as broken roof tiles, brickwork, cracked concrete paths, driveways or garden maintenance – are absolutely genuine.

Come to think of it, Tom, a bit like the work you offered to do for Maria, wasn’t it?

It’s actually quite sad (and scary) to think that innocent senior citizens living alone are such easy targets to these con artists, merely because they TRUST people. 

Such a nasty world out there, Tom, when you think about it… to know that someone could sink that low?

Nothing dodgy about this van.
No! Not a thing…

And I’m sure it wasn’t your fault you were delayed, Tom. 

As Maria said, you probably had a lot of other work in the area that needed doing, too. In fact, it was only a few weeks back when she said she thought you would return any day now. That you and your little unmarked yellow van would pull into her driveway with all the special equipment needed to get that pesky tree down before it did any major damage.

SHE STUCK BY YOU, TOM!

Even when the contact details on your most professional-looking business card came back with ‘number not in service’…. she still had faith that you’d honour your word. Maria actually worried about you, Tom, and she hoped that nothing bad had happened to you.

Isn’t that sweet?

Funny thing about the big allegedly ‘dangerous’ gumtree, and perhaps you were looking at it from the wrong angle, Tom? But a man from the council came to check it out the other day and confirmed that the it could never have been a threat to Maria’s home. Even if it did fall over – it just wasn’t big enough!

Strange, huh?

Sadly, Tom, in the last month or so, I have noticed a change in dear Maria. She is so much quieter than she used to be; she seems fearful and she’s lost a lot of her confidence and now relys on outside help with her daily routine more than she ever used to.

It’s painful to watch her become this way, Tom – almost as if she has given up on, well… PEOPLE?

Definitely hard to believe she’s the same bubbly lady who once sang (with gusto!) in the shower, bottled her own nectarines and enjoyed social bus trip outings with the local Golden-Agers club. 

Instead she prefers to just stay at home alone.  And just sit. 

Her family now worry because Maria has become so frail and unwell that she can clearly no longer cope by herself. 

Just… heart-breaking.

Anyway, wherever you are, Tom… thanks so much again for all you’ve done.  I heard only last Friday, that Maria’s home had been sold and she has since been re-located into an aged-care facility situated miles away from the life and the people she once knew and loved.

So in the meantime, one question… sorry, Tom. I know you’re such a busy and important man and all…

Would you mind if some devious little sleaze-ball did this to YOUR dear old Mum?!?!

Yours in disgust, 

(On behalf of beautiful, broken Maria)

Dollie Dogood

And she’s very, very cross!


Posted in Aged Care, Respect

The Wooden Bowl

Just a nice story about Compassion & Respect

“I guarantee you will remember this tale of The Wooden Bowl, a week from now, a month from now, a year from now…

A big bad BOWL

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. Every night, the family ate together at the table.

Unfortunately, the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped his glass, he always spilled milk on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.

“We must do something about my father,” said the son. ‘I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.”

The husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather would eat alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner at the big table. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl. If the dropped the bowl, it would clatter with a loud noise, but at least it would not break.

This went on for some time. When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food. The four-year-old watched it all in silence. 

One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?”

Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little wooden bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back to work. 

The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. They looked at each other, and felt a cold sensation wash over them. Though no words were spoken, both knew they had acted poorly and needed to take action. 

That evening the husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

<Author Unknown>

*************************

“On a positive note, I’ve learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.

I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:  a rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.

I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life’.

I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

I’ve learned that you shouldnt go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back sometimes.

I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you.  But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can – happiness will find you.

I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decisions.

I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I dont have to be one.

I’ve learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.  People love that human touch; holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn.”

Pesky, trouble-making peas…

HAPPY CARING!

Cheers,
Dollie


Posted in Aged Care, Working with Elderly

When Old Dogs… Learn New Cooking Tricks

What the bloody hells a Pommy-granitt when it’s at home?

Pomegranate earrings
– a wardobe essential?

I’ve been having some interesting discussions with my elderly clients lately – and it’s all about FOOD.

In particular, are the seniors who’ve realised it’s getting harder and harder to ignore the presence of all the bizarre, weirdly-shaped fruit & veg on trend and on display at the supermarkets at the moment.  

With elbows leaned furtively on shopping carts they drift nonchalantly down the aisles, the majority with little idea what these new species are, what they ‘do’ or how to even peel one. Suffice to say, there’s little chance they’ll be cooking with them any time soon!  

Off the top of my head there’s kale, pomegranates, avocados (the smashing of) and the phenomena known as “keen-wah” ie: quinoa – just to name a few that appear to be causing angst among my Over 70’s mob. 

Advised by their GPs or concerned family members (and splashed all over the lifestyle mags)… that these peculiar so-called ‘Superfoods’ are packed full of disease-fighting goodies. And that by consuming these natural beauties, elders decrease the probability of developing chronic illness, rehabilitate faster if they do, and subsequently, increase their chances of living forever.  

WIN-WIN-WIN!

BLUEBERRIES
– super-food for super-chooks!

Which got me thinking that not only is it ‘technology stuff’ that an older adult is pressured to learn about and understand in today’s frantically progressive world.

It’s also about what we EAT.

Having grown up in arguably more frugal times (where food wasn’t permitted to be the obsession that it is now), it’s understandable why the mature-ager might find some of the latest meal trends confusing and intimidating. People are living for longer that’s true, but it’s a scientific fact that age-related health issues such as diabetes, stroke or heart disease (conditions that would have once knocked you off in your 60’s) are now being managed more efficiently, purely by what we stick in our mouths.

Unfortunately along the way… food over-sensitivity, allergies and intolerances have also become commonplace and it’s been a huge learning curve for many ‘old-school’ folk to not only embrace the modern ideals toward the food they eat, but to accept that their own health may be in jeopardy if they don’t.

Noticeable too, are the strange codes added to the menus of our favourite restaurants nowadays. Shown as GF, LF or V for example, these nifty symbols offer the dine-outer all sorts of solutions to their dietary dilemmas. Although they may baffle some who are afraid to ask and feel it’s easier just to stick their heads in their Vine-RipenedTomato, Roast Bell Pepper & Basil soup than have to ‘get with the times’ and figure it all out.  

No such thing as a Nut Allergy when we were kids. Oh, except when I first met my Douggie at the school dance – he was nutty alright!”

How can being a Vegetarian be good for you? Eating too many greens… GIVES ME THE SQUIRTS!”

Special Dietary Requirement? That’s me making sure I have a wine with dinner!”

Not sure about this ‘organic food’ thing… in my day, it was just called FOOD”

Gluten-free, you say. So, I have to eat less glutes?!?!”

Not to mention all the latest cookbooks encouraging us to replace the tried-and-true ingredients of our classic recipes with slinkier, nutrient-laden alternatives. Gone are the days where a lump of meat (“whatever’s on special, dear”) is bunged into the oven in a layer of lard with a wheelbarrow-load of salt tipped over it to enhance flavour! 

Instead, poor old Mum, has had to haul herself out of her lifelong culinary comfort zone to produce such delights as a zucchini & feta fritter, organic eggplant fries and get her head around long lanky limbs of broccolini… steamed for 23 seconds (no-more, no less) for her son’s pretty, but pedantic Vegan yoga-instructor fiancee.

The Art of Murdering BROCCOLI

No longer can she happily enjoy the spitting of lamb chops as they fry unmercilessly on the stove top as she did in ye olden days either. Ah no!  They must be eased gently under the grill and then delicately dabbed at repeatedly with a roll of triple-ply paper towels to ensure every last dot of oil has been safely extracted.

DON’T MAKE ME FAT!

She then has to skill-up on the magic of the ‘shop and chop’ – buying, and then dicing great sprigfuls of fresh herbs, fancy-schmancy spices and hearty wholesome marinades (please, no additives!) in the quest to present modern adaptations of traditional feasts to her fussy grown-up family.  

Which can be bloody hard work when Mama has a dicky knee, arthritic hands and poor eyesight!

But, as a carer on the go, I do find it exciting and hugely inspiring when some of my tentative, yet inquisitively brave clients at least give it a go. Seizing this new ‘foodie’ adventure by it’s entrails and taking an active interest in managing their own health with all the exotic, albeit daunting-looking food choices they can now make.  

And even more impressively – is the trendy cooking techniques they’ve learnt to whip it all together!

One of my clients, for example, 90 year old Bert Walloven is a lovely chap who nearly fell to bits living on just boiled egg & fish paste crackers, after his wife died last year. However, he pulled himself up by his apron strings and found new vigour in teaching himself how to bake Banana Loaf in a super posh bread-maker appliance he found at the back of ‘the wife’s’ pantry. 

Every Tuesday afternoon when I visit Bert now, he insists I make time before I leave, for a compulsory taste test of a slice of his latest creation. Ahh yes, any excuse for a cuppa and a chat! None of your plain boring bready rubbish either – last week it was Pumpkin Bread with honey oat and cranberry chunks. 

Delish!

Bake it up, Bert!

Interesting to note, I find the biggest motivator for my elders to climb aboard the Superfood train and include more fresh raw ingredients in their diet, is the possibility that it lessens the chances of them developing Alzheimer’s disease.  Whether that’s true or only slightly true-ish… (and it can’t hurt) it seems many seniors, terrified of ‘losing their marbles’, will go to great lengths to prevent this from happening by doing whatever it takes to maintain the health of their minds.

Indeed, it turns out that you CAN teach a dog of more advanced years new tricks! It merely depends on whether the old Golden Retriever in question is willing (and open-minded enough), to give the tricks a go.

We all feel nervous when it comes to trying new things – of course we do! A fear of failure, feeling unsafe and exposed, or the big one… looking silly in front of others. And with this traditionalist Boomer generation, it’s understandable why they’d stubbornly opt to stay with the mindset that they’ve already made it through the obstacles of life; they’ve come through the War living on sausage meat and sawdust.  They’ve acquired all the learning needed for survival so “there’s nothing more I need to know, thank you very much!”  

A perspective that sadly means the ability to grow (and thrive) by learning new tricks and empowering themselves with new lifestyle choices that might just allow them ito live longer and live BETTER, gets lost in the despair and gloominess of  ‘being old’.  

Instead sitting in their recliners, watching life pass them by with a rug over their knees, and beans on toast or a mug of oxtail soup for dinner yet again, is as tricky as they can cope with. Now, shut the damn gate and get off my lawn!

Which, thankfully, is NOT the case for Bert and his Breadmaster 2000!  

Lovely Bert informs me his latest project is a wholemeal caramel, apple & quinoa Pecan Loaf. And “just for fun”, it’s also going to involve (winkity, wink)… A RUM SWIRL.

Oh yes, roll on next Tuesday!

Arrrrh, ’tis true, Me Hearties

HAPPY CARING!

Cheers,
Dollie
Posted in Aged Care, Working with Elderly

Elderly Constipation – the In’s & Outs

“Its’ a Real Pain in the Butt!”

Waiting…. waiting…

Being constipated STINKS.

Certainly, nobody likes talking about constipation out loud, let alone having to endure the often excruciating pain associated from suffering with it.  In fact truth be told, and much like being constipated… I’m finding it hard work bearing-down to squeeeeeze out my thoughts and write about it.

Let’s face it, as distasteful (and smelly) as the subject of constipation is… and as much as we might poo-poo it, the fact remains that as human beings sooner or later, we all have to ‘go’. 

The problem is of course when you CAN’T go.

And although we are each so physiologically different (and what’s normal for one isn’t necessarily normal for another) most doctors generally consider that five days or more of NOT being able to evacuate your bowels, means you pretty much to some degree, have become constipated.

Unsurprising to me, is how merely mentioning the word constipation in the presence of many of my elderly clients, can result instantly in a frowny screwed-up-nose face or clenched teeth.  Which is a worry because if there’s one thing bunged-up ageing people don’t need – is MORE clenching!

Sadly, and unfair as it may be however (and for a whole toilet-load of reasons), it is becoming typical that chronic constipation is more prevalent the older we get.

Oh, the joy!

OUT, damn plop?

10 Poopy reasons why Seniors are prone to Constipation:

  • Some medications (eg: pain meds) have constipation as a pesky side-effect
  • An ageing colon, as per the rest of an elderly peep’s body, may just not be as peppy as it once was
  • Dehydration from diuretics can cause people to wee more, resulting in an increase in fluid-loss causing stools to solidify
  • Retirement for some elders can mean a more sedentary lifestyle (ie: slow down your life = slow down your bowels)
  • Dietary changes (eg: during travel) or a loss of appetite mean a lack of proper nutrition involving ample quantities of fruit n veg.  You can never have too much fibre, Fibre, FIBRE!
  • Drinking less fluids allows for more chance of the dreaded Dehydration
  • Frequent digestive tract issues or the development of diseases can mean the likelihood of constipation is also increased
  • Various medical conditions associated with ageing are symptomatically linked to constipation – eg: MS, Diabetes, Parkinson’s
  • Being sick and/or bedridden for long periods encourages a lower metabolism rate.  You can’t remove it – if you don’t move it!
  • Depression, anxiety, stress, lack of sleep can all contribute to a sluggish bowel due to upset bodily functions and a hormonal balance that’s thrown everything out of whack
  • Blockage in or around the bowel/colon regions can physically prevent the elimination process from occurring…  an indication that something medically sinister may be afoot (a-bottom?) 

Mind you, it’s not just poo-less pensioners who battle with the anguish of infrequent faecal evacuation.  Most of us at some stage in our lives, have been ‘privy’ to the gassy, smelly delights associated with constipation.  And we know only too well, how much it can disrupt our quality of life by zapping our energy levels and leaving us feeling uncomfortable, bloated and… well, just SHIT really.

Sadly, it’s the older generation who seem to get struck more frequently with ongoing bouts of chronic constipation – and often it’s a symptom (or a stinky side-effect) of an underlying age-related health condition.

CONSTIPATION STORY TIME!

I’ll never forget the time I arrived at the home of one of my loveliest clients for the very first time.  A charming and gentle lady, Annie Turdsworth was the most-kindly person you could ever wish to meet (her Cream Cheese Banana Nut loaf is pretty fabulous too!)

Mmmm creamy, bananery, nutty goodness

On this particular day, I found her pouring over a pile of paperwork at her kitchen bench. 

It turns out, Annie has put up with a lifetime of suffering from various ongoing gastrointestinal complaints and long story short, since the day she turned 65, has been diagnosed with the crappiest lot of bowel disorders imaginable.  Ranging from IBS to diverticulitis and now most recently at age 87, they have decided she may have colon cancer.

And being that the specialist needed to know what her bowels were dishing out, Annie was instructed to keep a Poo diary of every time she ‘went’ to the toilet; how her stool looked, its colour, texture and shape etc. 

Oh lordy, you can imagine… the demure and deeply private Mrs Turdsworth was appalled!

Luckily, her doctor had a copy of the Bristol Stool Form scale (BSF) to wave in front of her and put her mortified mind at ease.

As a simple user-friendly picture rating system, the BSF enables people like Annie (who would rather DIE than discuss their bathroom habits) to utilise the handy-dandy illustrations to match up the appearance against their own stools.

So rather than having to say horrific words like “runny” or “hard pebbles”,  Annie could instead work discretely off her BSF guide and record the corresponding number of the day into her diary (once she got over the terror of looking into the toilet bowl, that is!)

I’m actually flattered that Annie feels brave enough to confide in me about something as personal as bowel movements (or lack thereof)…although it took a while for her to gain confidence.

“I think today Dollie, I’m more of a 2 than a 3” 

Now when I visit, we fill in her ‘log’ book together, along with the food she’s consumed in the last 24 hours all nice and neatly, for the doctor to peruse later.  Annie then pops the diary into an empty chocolate box, twists a large rubber band around it and then tucks the whole sordid package away out of sight in a drawer beside her bed. 

If we can’t see it, then does it actually exist?

What kind of STOOL am I?

At the other end of the Constipational spectrum, I should definitely make mention of another of my cherished clients, Maggie Cementballs.  Not only does the brazen 94 year old Maggie NOT require a picture chart to categorise her faecal formations, but because she is deaf (and refuses to wear her “posh” hearing aids in case she loses one) – we get to discuss it LOUDLY. 

“JUST SO YOU KNOW, DOLLIE… I HAVEN’T BEEN TO THE TOILET SINCE 1973!”

And we have a good laugh.

All kidding aside though, it would be fair to say dear old Mags suffers with what must surely be some the most crippling waste elimination woes in the entire universe.

Throw in a blossoming set of haemorrhoids, ongoing colon surgery and a couple of rectal prolapses – there’s not much poor Maggie hasn’t experienced when it comes to digestive complications and the torturous impaction her bowel insists on putting her through. 

And she is more than happy to give me the full detailed account on her constipation problem-o-the-week.  I recall last week’s pooping particulars went something like this (note: this is in SHOUT format)- – –

WELL, I DON’T LET IT GO ON AND ON, OR I END UP IN AGONY – ONE CAN ONLY PUSH FOR SO LONG!  

AND FOR ONCE, THE PROBLEM IS NOT WITH THE ACTUAL GOING… IT’S THE FINISHING OFF BIT THAT’S ALL TOO HARD AT THE MOMENT.

…BUT I HAVE TO GET IT OUT, DOLLIE!  

I CAN’T WALK ROUND WITH THE THING HALF HANGING OUT OF ME, CAN I?” 

“CRIKEY NO, MAGGIE, YOU JUST CAN’T!”  I bellow back, with my super-concerned face on.

Unfortunately, there’s not a lot that I or anyone else can do for the long-suffering Maggie.  Due to her advanced years, doctors have advised that further surgery just isn’t viable ie: it would most likely kill her.

And therefore, all they can do is pump her full of pills, top up her pain-killers and assist her to manage the condition at home as best she can. Not much fun when you’re a frail old girl in your nineties and much like every other poor soul having a crappy time in the bathroom – all she ever really wants from life is a happy ending. Literally.

HAPPY CARING!

Cheers,
Dollie

Posted in Aged Care, Working with Elderly

To Bidet, or Not to Bidet?

That, is the Toileting Question!

I came across this advertisement while perusing a magazine on a plane recently. It caught my eye for two reasons:

1.   I’d only just written an article about the ‘Worst Xmas Gifts Ever’, and…

2.   Why was this cheery, yet smug-looking woman in beige slacks STANDING ON A TOILET???

The Best Xmas Gift Ever!!

“Usually for Christmas, my children buy me towels or pillows or once even a
basket for the cat. Last year, after a wonderful lunch in the park with my family,
we came home and I found that for a Christmas gift my son had organised
the replacement of my old toilet seat with an electronic Bidet toilet seat. 
I had seen them advertised on TV and thought what a great idea.”
After two weeks of having my new Bidet, I wondered how I had ever survived
previously without it.
All I have to do is sit down on my nice warm seat and go to the loo. Once I am
finished I simply press a button and I get a warm water rush and a stream
of warm air dry.
Now almost a year later, it has changed my life. I have saved a fortune 
in toilet paper and, I see going to the toilet as a time of luxury. 
It is the best Christmas gift I have ever received!”
– Sylvia Ross –

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Upon reading the ad, I discover that the extremely chuffed ‘Sylvia’, is actually the proud owner (and driver) of a shiny new Bidet-style toilet seat attachment, secretly installed by her son as a surprise for Christmas.

Indeed, not an advert for your traditional (and kinda terrifying) stand-alone bidet, ahh no. 

Instead, Sylvia introduces us to the wondrous Electronic Bidet Toilet Seat. A magical two-in-one appliance that means upon completing her regular toileting ablutions, Sylvia gets to be luxuriously “warm water washed” and “air-dried”. 

And without having to budge – ahhh BLISS!

I later showed the mag clipping to my own mother just out of interest. Similar in vintage to Sylvia, it was interesting to hear Mum’s views on the whole BIDET topic. From the perspective of someone who, much like most of us who find those ‘odd-shaped water fountain thingies’ totally intimidating, she admitted that if she had to use a bidet – she really wouldn’t know where to start.

“It’s more of an upper-class European thing, isn’t it… or is it something the prostitutes in Amsterdam use?”

“My friend from bowls has a bidet – but she washes her Chihuahua in it.”

“I’d be scared it might explode… crikey, I could end up being given some sort of a nasty enema!”

What a bidet is NOT for!

All silliness aside, I did start thinking that perhaps Sylvia was ON to something (literally haha). And the more I thought about it, the more it seemed there were massive advantages to be had by a sensitive senior considering enhancing their current loo to include a shiny new automatic built-in bidet. 

Interestingly, (but a bit odd too, I thought) I discovered after a bit of research, that the word Bidet comes from the French meaning ‘small horse’.

Oh, so you strap yourself on and ride it like a pony?”

Yep, thanks Mum.

And that apparently, it was the Japanese who first invented the modern integrated ‘toilet-bidet’ as a nifty space-saving device. Without need of a plumber, it is supposedly simple to install and something an older adult (or obliging family member) could manage without too much fuss.  

Merely replacing the current tatty old dunny seat with a fabulous whizz-bang electric one. Easy peasy… botty-squeezy! 

Being suitably impressed by this snazzy new bathroom gadget (and without sounding like I have shares in the company), I have since started singing the praises of these electronic bidet toilet seats (EBTS) to some of my elderly clients. 

Especially for those suffering from never-ending incontinence or constipation episodes; or pesky mobility issues due to frail, weakened bones and stiff arthritic joints. I reckon it would be hard not to appreciate the enormous potential health benefits an all-in-one EBTS might provide.   Not to mention for those in their twilight years being more financially set to ‘splash out’ (ahem) and spoil themselves on a nice bit of luxury during their retirement.

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8 Ripper reasons to get an Electronic Bidet Toilet Seat (EBTS) for your elderly parent:

1.   They can do their ‘business’, then clean-up, dry-up all in one hit… in one SIT? 

2.   The EBTS means seniors stay safe.  Not having to go ‘up down’ twice from a toilet to a separate bidet means less chance of a skate on slippery tiles.

3.   Personal hygiene is improved and more effective due to not having to awkwardly reach around to wipe. Tender, sore and ‘ouchy’ bottoms can stay cleaner – and heal faster.

4.   No hands required. Mission complete – without having to touch your bits!

5.   Issues such as constipation can be eased (or ‘eased out’) by caressing streams of warm water – in all the right places.

6.   Seniors can feel ‘shower fresh’ using an EBTS without having to fully strip off and endure the physical ordeal of an actual shower.

7.   The EBTS assists elders to depend less on their caregivers – which means preserving self-confidence (and their dignity).

8.   The warm-air dryer of the EBTS means older adults with ‘greenie’ tendencies can feel most satisfied that they’re saving “shit-loads” on toilet paper – HOORAY FOR THE ENVIRONMENT!

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To summarise: Wouldn’t it be nice to offer the beloved in your life a tiny bit of toileting opulence in their golden years? 

(Not to mention a toasty warm bum in winter).

It’s time to let dear old Mum know just how much you appreciate her and that because she is so special (much like Smug Sylvia) she absolutely deserves to have… THE BEST BIDET-TOILET SEAT IN THE HOUSE!

At least he’s using it correctly…. WOOF?

HAPPY CARING!

Cheers,
Dollie